ummmmm

Isn't it strange how life throws you it's curveballs? Just a thought......

So its coming to an end

and I won't lie....I'm so scared. Scared that I will always be alone. Scared of what my kids will think of me for leaving. Of what they already think of me for staying so long. If my life will really be better, or if I'll just be just as miserable in a new, empty house. But in the end, what I will have will be MINE. My time will be MINE, and the money that I bust my ass for will be MINE to use on what I want and not on bills that are doing nothing for me but holding me back. I just need the strength to really leave this time. I really say ok, I am not doing this anymore and walk through that door. God help me walk through that door.

Today

is simply, absolutely wonderful. Good news is so wonderful!! :o)

Dear John

Today is our anniversary. But there is no longer any love there. I know my words won't hurt you. I know that you won't care. But I have to say them to make myself feel better. This fake life we have been living, is coming to an end. I know it, you know it, but neither of us has acted on it. You have successfully pushed me away, if that was what you were trying to do. I know that the "she's everything I need" page is you. And what bugs me isn't the fact that you are still obsessed with her, but it is that that obsession doesn't let you see that she is making a fool out of you. That she's just keeping you on that string cuz it's boasting her ego. She doesn't love you. If she loved you, she'd be with you, not him. So I am writing this to say goodbye. Goodbye to the love I thought we had, no, to the love I once had. Like I said, your "love" for me wasn't enough to keep you. And I know now that it's not because of anything I did, no matter how hard you try to put it on me. Cuz look at all you have done, and i'm still here. I greived for my grandfather and thats all it took to make you run away. I am the better person here and you know it. That's why you get sick when you eat and why you can't sleep. Cuz your chasing a dream and have destroyed a true reality. Goodbye my love. I can't say I'll miss you, cuz the person I missed left a long time ago and I have gotten over that pain. It is time for me to find what I need in my life. To be happy, cuz I've learned alot about myself through all this, and finally I am happy with ME. And that is all I need to find someone who can love me the way I deserve to be loved. I hope you have a wonderful life. Goodbye.

Jane

80's all over

Is that some funny shit or what?? I even had on leg warmers....hot pink n black stripped.....can u picture it?? How funny

Love isn't blind, it's fucking retarded!!

Today is just one of those days where I'd rather just not be me. I am so unhappy with where my life is, I just hate waking up in the morning anymore. And I know only I can control my destiny, but there are other factors that play into our lives. I hate when I hear people telling me, oh you deserve better, and if you could only see......I fucking see......you tell me what I'm supposed to do about it?? Cuz when I change the course of my life, its not only affecting mine, its affecting two others who rely on me to make sure their life is the best it can be. My desicions are not made with a light heart, they are made heavily, and with great remorse, cuz I know my decisions are not made with me in mind, but with others. And I wonder about that. I wonder why it seems the only people who seem to have their cake and are eating it too are people who are cold, heartless, selfish, egotistical, and quite frankly, fucking stupid psycho!! So do I become one of those people? Cuz I'm not happy, and I guarantee you, even though they have taken, stolen, and conieved (sp?) their way into getting everything they want, they are not happy. That's why they have to take from others, cuz it temporarily boasts their ego. So do I be unhappy with nothing, or do I be unhappy with everything?? They say it's much harder to have everything than it is to have nothing, but hey, can I be my own judge??? Cause I once had everything I wanted. I had love, I had happiness, I had everything I could have ever wanted, and I didn't have to lie, cheat and steal to get it. And it was taken away from me. So now I get to pick up the pieces and attempt to salvage something that resembles happiness and hope that maybe, with time, I can find it again. Sigh........Happy Hump Day......

WOW!!!

Was that a pain in the ass!! Do you know what it took me to get back on this damn thing?? This is how I feel now......AHHHHHHHHH....time to get some cleaning done.....I'm done looking at the computer lol