Love isn't blind, it's fucking retarded!!

Today is just one of those days where I'd rather just not be me. I am so unhappy with where my life is, I just hate waking up in the morning anymore. And I know only I can control my destiny, but there are other factors that play into our lives. I hate when I hear people telling me, oh you deserve better, and if you could only see......I fucking see......you tell me what I'm supposed to do about it?? Cuz when I change the course of my life, its not only affecting mine, its affecting two others who rely on me to make sure their life is the best it can be. My desicions are not made with a light heart, they are made heavily, and with great remorse, cuz I know my decisions are not made with me in mind, but with others. And I wonder about that. I wonder why it seems the only people who seem to have their cake and are eating it too are people who are cold, heartless, selfish, egotistical, and quite frankly, fucking stupid psycho!! So do I become one of those people? Cuz I'm not happy, and I guarantee you, even though they have taken, stolen, and conieved (sp?) their way into getting everything they want, they are not happy. That's why they have to take from others, cuz it temporarily boasts their ego. So do I be unhappy with nothing, or do I be unhappy with everything?? They say it's much harder to have everything than it is to have nothing, but hey, can I be my own judge??? Cause I once had everything I wanted. I had love, I had happiness, I had everything I could have ever wanted, and I didn't have to lie, cheat and steal to get it. And it was taken away from me. So now I get to pick up the pieces and attempt to salvage something that resembles happiness and hope that maybe, with time, I can find it again. Sigh........Happy Hump Day......